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Faces Peering in from a Neon Forest

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(no subject) [Oct. 21st, 2006|03:57 pm]
Faces Peering in from a Neon Forest
[Fleshy melody |Otis - The Durutti Column]

Well, I am getting out of the military after a ever-so-long 2 year run.
And moving.
To Canada, eh?
Dear Canucks:

Am I ever so stoked about McGillicuddy's Fireball whiskey?


But first, a righteous tour of the US.
Prepare yourself citizens.
I will be visiting.
This is all for now... more to come.
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(no subject) [Dec. 22nd, 2004|01:14 am]
Faces Peering in from a Neon Forest
in NYC from 8pm tonight till jan 3rd. you know the cell, call meeeeeeeeeee!!!

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(no subject) [Nov. 27th, 2004|07:24 am]
Faces Peering in from a Neon Forest
dear whore:

you say you dont want to talk to me, dont want to see me dont want me to see my child, because i abandoned you and her. what kind of bullshit lie is that? would you like me to retell the history of why i havent talked to you, havent tried to keep in touch? would you? april 20th, who left dinner with a millionaire and his family who he hadnt seen in weeks to talk on the phone with you? who was the one that tried to make a way so that we could see eachother even though his schedule was so fucked up? who thought that at the end of the conversation things were going to be all ok? who called who back a half hour later to tell the other party not to drop by the next day, that it wasnt worth it, and that they didnt want to be together anymore? I surely dont remember that being me. Who needed space? who didnt want to see the other person? You act like it's a big fucking deal that i left without saying goodbye... I said goodbye that night, when you said it first. Does it much matter whether i am living 4 blocks of 1400 miles away when you wont even call to say hi? I never saw you call and hit ignore. NOT ONCE! You never called me. i gave you your precious space you slut, and you took it. i kept my distance from you out of fucking respect for what you wanted. you killed me, more than anyone has ever hurt me before, you killed my spirit, my heart, my love, you tore it out like so much dirt and spread it on the ground.

i tried to call you once from basic training, because i was incommunicado, and i wondered if maybe you had come to the place where you might have wanted to talk to me and couldnt reach me. it isnt my fucking fault that my mom called the night before, do i have any control over her actions? any more than you have over your own mothers? i dont think i do...

so i spoke to you sunday before last. i heard from your bitch jess that you were spreading around hatred that i had abandoned you and the child. how can you abandon something that's already gone? DONT TRY TO LAY YOUR DECISIONS AS BLAME ON ME!

I left, joined this wonderful terrible military life to better myself. I could see that i was going nowhere, and that's not a good environment to raise a child in. I guess it doesnt matter anymore anyhow... since you say it might not be mine, and even if it is, you dont want me to have any part in it's life at all. I think that's fucking bullshit, ok? you're a fucking cunt, in the most derogatory use of the word. I hate what you've done to me, to my friends, to those who I care about, to my daughter. What lies will you tell her growing up? That she has no daddy? that daddy abandoned her? what kind of emotional damage are you going to inflict on this poor helpless thing?

I hate you for what you've done and are going to do, and i pray to god that she never forgives you for it.
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(no subject) [Aug. 30th, 2004|07:51 pm]
Faces Peering in from a Neon Forest
Amn Davis Benjamin R
140 Phantom Street, Box #15021
Keesler AFB, MS 39534
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(no subject) [Jun. 29th, 2004|03:44 pm]
Faces Peering in from a Neon Forest
ok guys, this is a see ya later post. tonight is the going away party and tomorrow i will be in san antonio going through BMT. I will have most if not all of your phone numbers and/or addresses so that i can all talk to you and send you letters when i am there. any and everyone of you guys are all welcome to come down and see me graduate, which will be on the weekend that is like 6 weeks away.

This is prety much goodbye for now guys, i hope to see most if not all of you guys soon!!!

Peace out
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(no subject) [Jun. 24th, 2004|09:14 pm]
Faces Peering in from a Neon Forest
[Fleshy emotions |excitedexcited]
[Fleshy melody |ohGr - Earthworm]

guys it has been a long ass time and i have been very not in a good mood at all, but i am in a good mood now cause things are awesome. I'm gonna be leaving NYC to go to san antonio for 6 weeks of Air Force Boot Camp somewhere in the next month, and I am so really excited about it. I am officially doing something worthwhile with my life now, and it's just a great feeling.

I hope all of you that i do and dont talk to are doing well and awesome. I'm gonna be online a lot in teh next couple days, before i go out and spend some time with all my friends up here who i've really enjoyed meeting and hanging around with before i leave.

More info will come soon, cause i would appreciate it a lot if you wouldnt mind all too very much sending me letters while i'm in boot camp to keep my spirits up. I probably wont be able to answer many of them in any good amount of time while i'm there, but i will for sure write you guys back when i have some time.

I assume you all know how to get in touch with me by now, if not- I can be reached pretty much 24/7 on AIM at TryptamineDagger.

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(no subject) [May. 12th, 2004|02:06 am]
Faces Peering in from a Neon Forest
yeah, i'm dead. fuckers.
gonna c/nc in two of two classes this semester, and maybe fall into a pit so that i miss registration for next semester cause god it is so expensive and i am so broke.

i'm about at the point where shiny objects and spinny things really will keep me occupied for endless hours. hah. why is bright eyes nd the cure composing my whole playlist? it is getting kinda scary to be around me nowadays, i think people just know i'm sooo fucking close to snapping that they're all on eggshells.

about to go to bed, and wake up 5 minutes before i have to leave for work again. killing yourself for a measly 7.75 an hour, is it worth it?

i dont think it is.

single again, so, you know, if you have any cute friends, send them my way. i'm serious, i need some sort of action, anything, for god's sake, it's a fucking sex desert over here. and yeah, a big fuck you to all my "friends," who never let me know when anything is going on. i'm just going to get me a new friend, a man by the name of jack, jack daniels that is. he never let anyone down. YOU COULD LEARN FROM A MAN LIKE JACK DANIELS, FAGS. bah, i'm nowhere and i can't get out.
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(no subject) [Mar. 2nd, 2004|07:59 pm]
Faces Peering in from a Neon Forest
wow, one year since last time, almost to the day. will it fgeel the same this time? aaron and jacqui, you remember the day... driving to high times in the car, smoking, telling dead baby jokes, it's about time to do that again. such terrible horrible bad luck. i'm going to live forever, but at what cost? so empty inside and i dont know how to fill it, stresssss all up both sides of your spine.

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(no subject) [Feb. 1st, 2004|07:17 pm]
Faces Peering in from a Neon Forest
shill swill drip breakout/taking it apart/fuck to the wall/i dont know why/empty fuel gauge/TWITCH/fragments flowing down/breaking the sides/jack one for the team/spill the food/introduction to shallowhood/twisted tripn/shake and bake/arctic spending patterns/slip/skunkweed toaster oven/teary eyes/spinning up the road/tear the cloth in two/exhibitionistic tendencies/lost lovers realign/fuck already/sunday morning coming down/nation of druggies/buy the brain candy/decide on one/dont break the heart/time for spore munching/discomfort much/listen to me and shut up for the love of god andall that is sacred, profane, holy and sinful i just want to be heard and flet and loved and not cast aside and ignored and trampled upon/why arent you happy?/accept it and move on
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(no subject) [Jan. 6th, 2004|04:32 pm]
Faces Peering in from a Neon Forest

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(no subject) [Dec. 31st, 2003|10:55 pm]
Faces Peering in from a Neon Forest
crazy lost self. i'm spinning now at top speed, grounding myself only through songs on the spindle radio.

broXXXXen self makes for good tales but bad relation. no wonder new years eve is spent all alone. i need a space to curl up in and implode. i'm taking out my innards and scanning them into my computrix so when i'm gone they can rebuild me and i can tell them how it all went horribly wrong.

voyeur/exhibitionist/sadist/masochist i dont know where one stops and one begins. i saw a cine before snowpains and it was the sweetsickest loverly story i'd ever heard of. i must be wholey hole-y throughout, i cant see why i'm still around. i find joys in the littlest things, but my orders keep repeating drugsarebadmkayyyyy. and i dont see why, i cant feel this normal way and have people like me, they all love me when i'm high of drunk or trippppppnnnnn or someother state. i'm passing through alternate consciousnesses like walking down stairs, and i cant decide where i want to be, except that i dont want to ever stop moving.

the latest of artwork on my body has completed. begun on a particularly nogood day, it's still "running into a dresser" to the extended family. purest feeling of robotrippping last night in a denver hotel lobby, running around talking on my phone instant messenger, smoking cigarettes and walking through the hallways at 1am, saw a couple people walking around, giving me odd looks. out of mind and out of sanity for the holidays, must get rabbit[clockwork orange] soon.

thank you mom and dad for your consistant dedication to my mental dishealth. if not for your care, i'd probably be quite sane at the moment. running out the window, jumping off a bridge, dropping a hairdryer into the bath tub, stabbing into my wrists with forks and knives, cutting out my eyes with glass shards. I SCREAMED FOR ADVIL AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS ON THE PLANE, and got yelled at because my head was about to explode and i was asking for some medicine so i wouldn't have to feel it.

yelled at moving suitcase out of walkway, yelled at in car. just want to leave and make them happy. they hate me and yell at me when i'm sober, but are adamantly opposed to my becoming intoxicated, even though they like me better that way. i can't figure it out.

trying to slippppp into somewhere inbetween here and tomorrow. slide into the cracks between now and the future and never come back out. always one half of one half of a step in front of you, always feel you touching my back, breathing on my neck, but never catching up with me. pulling out of connectioning, wondering why i'm still breathing. going to take another bath and hope that nerves have come back to full sensitivity.

had the bestestestest fooodstuffs for lunch, but it all tasted like filthy ashes on my plate because i had come off of VICKS44 6oz for the price of 4oz SPECIAL 50% MORE OFFER LIMITED TIME ONLY FOR YOU IN THE CITYMARKET. Almost squealed in joy when i checked myself out in the self-checkout line, and giggled in self-pleasure glee as i realized that i could buy as much as i wanted. going to wear my stealingpantalonies tomorrow, maybe pick up a couple bottles of delsym and a couple bottles of tussin maxstrength. mixnmatch 12hour24hour suprrrrrrrr trypppppppps. goingto begin the new scratchpadbook mommy bought for me for xmass to write in, it looks very nice, she hasnt seen this writing stylestics though, and we wonders what she would say if she read of our exploits in the land of ROBOTIMEY.

She knows about the weeed, and I told her I was going to be spending my christmas money on a nice fat sack, but she doesnt approve of the shrooms, or the X, or the cid, the coke, the DXM, the other stuff that i take into my body and transports meinto external locales, where SERAtone levels reach up to normal levels, and split the feelings into two camps that argue over control of my left fingers. i feel magnificient when i'm on something, my greymattter cannot subsist on this substandard regular input- GIVE ME FATTY LIVER, BLOODY NOSES, BAD MEMORY AND FAILED DRUG TESTS, i donot even mind anymore. i'll take track marks up and down every artery and vein in my body if it would keep me from feeling as depressed as i do when i'm with my parents. DREINKSMOKEINJECT your pain away, oh my brother, drink that tasty moloko fortified with vitamins and minerales and hallucinogeneticists.

breaking apart into 38,548,797,236,263 pieces, spread out across the 11 dimensions of existence, dissipated by the solar winds. can you reassemble me into a new body? I would so very much like it if you would take me into you and cradle me like a newborn child. pet my scraggly hair, and wipe the tears that drip from my wide naive eyes down the red puffy cheeks and onto my soft belly. i want to crawl over to the couch, and climb onto grandpa's lap, and have him hold me and bounce me up and down on his leg like a horsey while we watch tv on the chocolate brown couch in their cabin outside redstone. they can tuck me into bed in a crib int eh loft, next o you mom and dad, back before you abandoned me, before i became the FUCKED up messed up misspent youth i am today. the product of a failure-prone education system, a pathetic foundation of religious malarky beliefs that end up leaving me sterile and laughed at. I ABANDON YOUR ATTEMPTS TO MAKE ME CHRISTIAN. I spit on your God, your belief in an afterlife, in a heaven and hell, it does not compute. I will not accept your opiate, will not be satiated by your primitive faith in a higher power. it's an excuse to be weak, and fail, when i need to be strong And fight back and claim what is mine. i do not want to be mollycoddled and bullied into making all my decisions in fear of a giant retaliatory hand slapping me across the head from the sky. It DOES NOT SATISFY ME.

now i take my leave of this place, i'm going to smoke a couple lungsfull of carcinogenic gasses, speeding me to that sweet early death. you all know where i can be found, my cellphone is back and working, so you can call, write, or instant message me, if i dont become so scared of these FILTHY MACHINES THAT I TURN THEM ALL OFF IN PROTEST TO THEIR DOMINION OVER MY EVERYDAY LIFE.

happy new year, fuckers, and dont forget to make your resolutions.
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(no subject) [Dec. 31st, 2003|05:48 pm]
Faces Peering in from a Neon Forest
I dreamt that I left my body, and flew all across the distance between us, and in a moments time I was in your bed next to you. Just laying there, brushing your hair back from your eyes and tracing the shape of your face in the lack of light. You rolled over, and then I became you. I woke up, and walked out of the house, and got into the car, and drove off to hang out. I met up with a tall guy, and hugged him, and he noticed that I was paper-thin, that my arms wrapped around him as thin as a sheet of cellophane. He saw that I wasn't you, and couldn't be you quite the way that you are, and so I ran.
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(no subject) [Dec. 26th, 2003|04:38 pm]
Faces Peering in from a Neon Forest
quick update:

in colorado, going snowboarding later in the week, may try to scale the big mountain. enjoying the weater and being with the grandparents. good haul for christmas, got the skellington head shirt and movie to match ye old hoodie. also picked up a nice pair of cheap blue sunglasses, a lot of books, including a truly nice edition of a clockwork orange, and through the looking glass and alice in wonderland. sebadoh - bubble and scrape, it's all you, and the folk implosion added to my cd collection.

i'm just wishing that i had a nice girl up here to be with for the holidays. i hope you all had merry christmas's, happy chanukah's, and spiffy kwanzaa's.

i'll be back in town on new years eve during the day, so i might spend the new year in the city with some of my friends.

<3 to all of you, this has turned out to be a very good year.
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